Roula: [00:00:00] Sergio My first question for you, what is masculinity in your opinion?
Sergio: I think it has to do with showing who you truly are as a person. What you stand for, let's say your values. Don't be afraid to show it and to yeah, I think that's important. Yeah, difficult one. I think that's about it. Just there to show who you are, who you truly are, what you find important, and don't think about what other people might think about it, I guess.
Roula: Are there times when masculinity is becoming a problem in our life these days? For men specifically?
Sergio: If it becomes a problem by showing it. By showing it. Because with masculinity, I think the general idea is that, you [00:01:00] need to show that you are maybe an alpha male and, you can't show any emotions. So I think that's an how do I say that's a dated, dated idea in the past? When I look around, I don't see that much masculine man anymore.
Sergio: . Is it a problem now by showing it. It depends what part of it you show in terms of masculinity. If you talk about the masculinity in terms of, let's say the alpha male in terms of Trump wise, yeah, it can get you in big problems. Yes, of course. But it really depends on what you show about, what you think about masculinity,
Roula: maybe carrying something heavy.
Roula: This is where we would need some extra muscles. This is an accepted
Sergio: one. That's an accepted one. Definitely. Yeah, of course. Yeah. But also if you, if you translated carrying some, carrying something heavy in terms of your emotions. That's also some, one of the things that [00:02:00] masculine men don't share.
Sergio: . But in this day and age, I think we share
Roula: a lot. Together as men among each other or with partners and friends that are from a different gender? Well,
Sergio: I think both. I think what I noticed in terms of my friends with sharing is that we shared a lot more of course once we become older and when we understand the world a little bit better, we stand ourselves a little bit better.
Sergio: But I think one of the things is when kids came into picture, they started showing a lot more. I think it's easier to share with people you don't know or who are a little bit more distant from yourself, from your, from your private life. I think they, they're judgment and although they might judge, , they're, they're farther away from you and your friends and your family.
Sergio: So even though they might judge you might not feel really judged by them. And it's like a safe place, I guess. So I think that's the [00:03:00] reason why it might be easier to share also sometimes people, or bounce ideas off of people than really bounce them off your closest friends and your, and your relatives and your, and your family when you're, I think when you're younger,.
Roula: Would a friend who would judge you for showing your emotions worth being a friend? Is it the, is it this much important?
Sergio: I think when you are younger, I think it is, cuz you're still discovering yourself, , and you don't want to show your, weaknesses or your doubts, but when you get older you appreciate it,
Sergio: and then you get to the understanding that everybody has their own. You might say challenges, , you're all the same and somebody might have already experienced it, right? So the older you, I think how I experienced it, the older I get the more experienced I get, the more I notice like, hey, , we share all these common things.
Sergio: Maybe somebody has a different problem, [00:04:00] but challenge, but we experience it all uncertainties, all these type of things in life. And of
Roula: course, raising kids. That brings a lot of common things to discuss.
Sergio: Yeah, definitely. Cuz you are going through the same phase of course, which a lot of the things are like the same.
Sergio: But then of course, how I deal with it and how , your, your, your kid in itself is a different, , it's a, it's a, it's a unique person. You cannot control how your kid is going to be. So that brings a lot of interesting interesting challenges and yeah, nice experiences.
Roula: That's a very important part.
Roula: We're going to talk about fatherhood and what it brings, but now that we like talked a little bit about masculinity. Yeah. What do you think about femininity? Femin being feminine. Hold on. I forgot what the word is. So we talked about masculinity. Yeah. And I'd like to know, how do you [00:05:00]see in others? Of course, not in you.
Roula: What is being a woman?
Sergio: Well, I think I always associate it with caring. Caring for people, caring for themselves loving. , when I think about feminine, I get a warm feeling. I don't know why, but I get like this warm, cozy feeling when I talk about it. But when I then go think about it now in, , what I've seen at work and what I've.
Sergio: And, and I think this day and age, it's also about, , about strong, independent successful women and however you wanna talk about successful, , what that means. But basically the same as we men, , used to be it was only for us, , having careers and being successful and having all these goals.
Sergio: I think now, in this day, na, , it's just equally the same, if that makes sense.
Roula: It makes a lot of sense because I know you, there are few things that I know about you. One things that stood [00:06:00] out and it's worth mentioning why I really like to have you a guest on this episode one day. You said something that stood out so much for me and made me think of how much, actually, I know Sergio and I realized that I don't know you that well, but that one thing you said, Meant a lot.
Roula: We were talking about how in the Netherlands when at marriage, yeah. Men can also take the name of the woman. Cause traditionally I have not met a man who took the name, the last name of his wife. I mean, we do have couples that keep their own names. No one take anyone's name. But in the Netherlands we have this maybe in other countries, but I don't know about that.
Roula: A man can take the name of his wife. We were discussing it. Yeah. In a family at dinner table. And you said, yeah, why not? That's [00:07:00] not a problem. That stood out. We didn't have the opportunity to talk about it more. Yeah. So now I'm putting you on the spot, on the podcast to ask you how come that you, how come you are from that space that think, yeah.
Roula: Why not? I'm gonna take the name of my future wife.
Sergio: Well, it's funny I had this conversation before with Lisa and Lisa always jokes that she, she is proud of her name. She's called cor. I don't like ka, I don't like cheese. And she's proud of her name. So if we are going to marry, then I should take her name as well, if she wants to take my name.
Sergio: So that's how the conversation started. Of course, I, I am open to taking her name. I mean, she's open to taking my name. We are going to, , we are already sharing everything, right? I mean, We're living, we are together for more than 10 [00:08:00] years. We have two beautiful kids. So we are, we are already sharing everything, so why not a name?
Sergio: And she's proud of it, right? She's proud of her family, she's proud of her heritage. And if we are going to marry, why not then share it, right? It's also a part of a part of sharing. So it, it isn't a big deal to me to say like, No, I'm not gonna take your name. Of course. , if you're going to take my name, I'm going to take your name.
Sergio: Right. We already share em the most important thing, and that's our kids.
Roula: The day you do that, yeah. We're gonna shout it from the rooftops.
Sergio: Yes, we are. We're gonna shout it from the rooftops. I think a lot of people are waiting for it. They just wanna party. Parties
Roula: are good. Yeah. Tell me, together with Lisa, you have two sons and the third one is on the way.
Roula: Yes. Gonna be born very soon in few weeks. Usually for women, there's this question, when did you want to become a mother? [00:09:00] Or When did you want a child? I'd like to ask you this question. When did you want to become a father?
Sergio: I cannot pinpoint it really. It's funny because it also it also go, it includes you and Rito.
Sergio: I think I already knew from, let's say quite a young age that I want to have kids, but I didn't knew, , when was the time, , who was the partner? And when I got to know Lisa, , it wasn't a thing, a topic, it wasn't important to us. Right. But then Liam was born and some friends of ours also had kids, but then we.
Sergio: Got to experience up close what it, what it is and, and what it means to, , to have a, to have a, to have a baby, and to have a, have a child of your own. And I experienced with Leon when he was a little baby that you like, love that person, right. And you yeah. You just, you just want to take care of that little person.
Sergio: Right. [00:10:00] And it wasn't even my baby. So at that time I think it, it went quite, quite fast. And then we said like, Hey, , isn't it time for us to start a family? So that was the time where we really had the conversations and we really started thinking about like planning for a
Roula: family. Did you have a kind of notion for yourself what kind of father you will be?
Sergio: I think so. Yeah, I'm, yeah, I'm quite, I'm quite sure that I knew what type of father I am going to be, but also what I wanted to be.
Roula: Can you share this with me? These things you knew about
Sergio: yourself? Well, I was always I think caring about people and I always had a lot of, I think, love to give. So I knew that about myself.
Sergio: And I always find it, I, I, I think from, from my group of friends, I think when we were a little bit younger age, I think it was also [00:11:00] more interested or asking questions about, , about your feelings and, and , having more interest in the person itself rather than all the things outside when we were, when we were like teenagers.
Sergio: So I think. I think that, that at that time, I already knew what type of father I wanted to be and what I, what, what I find important as being a father and, and why I think what I find important as being a father is, I think well, of course, you, you might know, right, is that my parents were the divorce at a young age.
Sergio: I think communication, , is a very important part of having with your kids and raising your kids. So I think in my family there was lacking some type of communication. I don't think love was lacking, but communication and helping your kids prepare for the world, I think that was missing what I was missing.
Sergio: So I knew like, Hey, what I missed right. What I wanted to have, [00:12:00] and I want to have that for my kids. And I think that's, I, I think that's a a good, yeah, a good, how do I say how I should raise my kids in? Being a good dad means,
Roula: gosh, there's a question that I wish I remember to ask it to every father.
Roula: Because when the baby is born, we're so busy with the baby itself and the mother's wellbeing, we sometimes forget to ask the dad a very important question. So my question to you now, can you take me with you to how you felt the first time you held your newborn son? This probably Des is description for all parents, but we don't talk about it and I would love to hear it.
Sergio: It was a feeling of, oh my God, , this little creature who, who's so reliant on, on me and [00:13:00] his mom who can't do anything. , there's this unconditional love from the first moment you, you set ice on him and then also the name, right? So he's called, he's called James. We call him James. It, it, it was like, really James, , there's no other name.
Sergio: That's, that's possible. And yeah, the feeling, it's, it's indescribable. It's the best in the world, , it's, it's unconditional love. It's really, really hard to describe in, in, in, in, in words. And then taking care for this little guy who can't do anything. It's, it's amazing.
Roula: So when you saw him, you felt ready for him?
Roula: Yeah.
Sergio: Yeah. I felt ready for him. Yeah. No fears? No. No fears whatsoever? No. No fears whatsoever? No. I mean, fears will come later, but at that moment, no. No fears,
Roula: no. What kind of fears came later?
Sergio: These just, just these little things, right?[00:14:00] , if Am I doing it right? Right. Do I understand him right?
Sergio: Do I, can I give him what he needs? These, these certain things, they come and go. Right. Because, because in general, I, I know that it's good, but there was little fears right. What type of fears do I have now? Well, you have, you have these strange stories about, about kids getting stabbed at school in the Netherlands.
Sergio: , if he goes to , if he goes to high school, , If these things might happen or if he get bullied or whatsoever. Yeah. Strange fear that you that you have. He's not there yet, but yeah, sometimes you think about it, when you see something on the news. Yeah. It's crazy. Then I think
Roula: this is I don't want to be very harsh in describing it, but I feel becoming a parent, it comes with a curse, and the curse is this fear of the safety of, of your child.
Roula: Yeah.
Sergio: Yeah. Because that's the most important thing, right? [00:15:00] James is a little me and I want to protect it right. From everything outside in the world. And we should, , we can't protect them for everything cause we need to prepare them. But it is yeah, it's the, it's the maternal feeling, paternal feeling that we have as parents.
Roula: Can you tell me about the parental feelings you have? It's, I can tell you for hours about the motherly feeling because the baby grew inside of me, but a father child didn't. Grow inside of you. So you had to be on the sideline waiting for it to come. Yeah. And then James is born and all these parental feelings came out.
Roula: Can you describe to me how, how do they look like parental
Sergio: feelings, wanting to protect that little child that is yours and giving him. Everything to prepare him for what's to come in life. And that means, of course, love, right? And, and and values, but also structure rules, how the system [00:16:00] works, how society works financially, , just, just.
Sergio: Make sure that he has everything and, and not in a sense that, , you should have the world, right, but just basic values, basic stability, , not spoiled or whatever. I, I'm, well, that's even maybe something that's important, , I think is important. , don't spoil my kids too much.
Sergio: But yeah, just wanting to make sure that you do everything in your capability to prepare him for what's coming, , in this world. And there's a lot coming in this world. So
Roula: Yeah. And you, you were so happy and it did not discourage you, the parental feeling, so you went for a second child.
Sergio: Yeah. It gives so much joy and it re enriches our lives so much that Yeah.
Sergio: We, we, we wanted a second. Yeah. If we were lucky, we wanted to have a second and we. Got lucky because we have a second. So there's a, I think about 16 months between James and Finn. We were still living here close by in [00:17:00] Dien. But yeah, it, it's, it was very obvious that we wanted to have a second. If if possible,
Roula: how do you, from what I see, I find you as a father you have, you have it, how can I say, under control.
Roula: Because I see you busy with the kids. You have a full-time job, you also sport. You go out and do nice things for yourself. You still meet with your friends. So this entire picture that I see from the sideline, it looks like this is really good, but how, how do you manage it all?
Sergio: When James came I immediately start working part-time.
Sergio: So like 32 hours a week. But also that's because I find it important, right? To also raise my child. How, but how do I manage it? Well, I thi, I, I think it starts with, , just understanding that everybody has 24 hours in a day, right? And then prioritize [00:18:00] what's important to you. And it. In, in terms of taking care for James when he was there, it, it's, it went very automatically.
Sergio: I, I spoke also about to my colleagues about it, , your priorities become very clear. , your first priority is James racing James, but what do I need to do to raise James? I need to be happy myself. I need to be fit myself. So I think I see everything in the process, right? So, Okay, what do I need to be the best version of myself?
Sergio: , understand that. And I think I understand that very, very early in the beginnings what I need in terms of, , having a social life, , seeing friends, but also sports and, and work. When I have that in order, , I can schedule that in for myself and that works for me. So I can do, I'm very happy in my life and see, see my friends, do the work that I need to do, , not too much work in terms of, , what you.
Sergio: What, what some might see from the outside in terms of what they find [00:19:00] important in a career, but it works for me. So I balance all these things and then, I can be there for my, for my kids.
Roula: Do the kids join you when you do your exercise and goes to sport?
Sergio: We used to when we, it's, it's not a, it's not on a, a routine thing, but a couple of times me and Lisa went running outside here and then we went on a bike and then two kids on the bike.
Sergio: Then I ran for like four or five kilometers and then Lisa took over. Then she ran for four or five kilometers, and then James and Finn were on the bike. And then the last couple of meters, then James also went running with us. So that's what we did with them. But no, I don't sport with with them. No, I do that on my own time.
Sergio: Come back with
Roula: lot of energy. Yeah. Yeah. In your
Sergio: mind. Yeah, but I, I, I need, I needed that all my life doing sports, all types of sports, but I needed that to be, yeah, to feel happy, to feel energetic, to, to be myself. I think it's, it's part of me, I guess. Mm-hmm.
Roula: Can you des [00:20:00] describe your parental style?
Roula: What kind of parent are you? I mean, I know you mentioned all the good things you want to teach your child and James and Finn the values in life and not be very spoiled, but how do you, how in your day at home things are sometimes. Might be rough. Kids are not listening, things are not getting done on time.
Roula: Take me with you in a, in a chaotic day of your life.
Sergio: Well, one of the things that I'm sometimes still struggling with, but definitely in the beginning is that , as an, as an adult, , you have this whole plan, agenda, whatever, , your day should be like this, this, this, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock, but with a baby.
Sergio: You cannot control them. So I think I had very difficulty in the beginning, like , wanting to do something, but the baby was crying or needed a new diaper or still sleeping or whatever. It, it brought a lot of frustration [00:21:00] in the beginning. Like, I have a schedule and it's not working. And, and that's sometimes even still now, today, , being a father of two, still having a plan in my mind and then thinking like, Hey, Wow.
Sergio: It makes me crazy that, , I can't do it. But then you think about like, okay, , it's, it's kids. That's something you got to live with. And it's more and more routine now. Sometimes , if you are like very tired and, and you had a stressful day and I don't know, , you maybe you had a discussion with, with someone or maybe with Lisa then sometimes from a How said reflex or, or, or natural, yeah, natural reflex, you might shout at them or whatever, right.
Sergio: It doesn't work, but you do that as a, as a parent. But I, we, we, we try to be conscious about these things but also, , if we've done these things, for instance, , and you think like, Hey, I'm, I'm wrong, , I was wrong at the time. We also explained it to them. So I often science say that I'm sorry to my kids, and then I explain to them like, , sorry, James, [00:22:00] I got mad.
Sergio: I didn't knew that, , this happened or that Finn, , Finn started it or whatever. , I'm, I'm sorry. And yeah, talk to them about it.
Roula: Are sometimes that the, the roles turned around, like they want to explain something to you and you're too busy to listen.
Sergio: Yeah, of course. These examples are there.
Sergio: Yeah. Yeah. Well, most, most of the times this happen when I'm in, in a conversation with Lisa, right? We're having a conversation and then it's, most of the times it's, it's James that wants to say something and then, no, James, no, no. And then, , we don't listen or just wait until we've grown up, , finished talking, .
Sergio: But yeah, they're definitely there
Roula: growing up, finished talking, , when we grew up, when we were little, I don't know about you. The difference is not that big. Cultural, probably back then growing up, we really had to stay quiet until the, the grownups have finished their convers conversation and I don't think we challenge that, but our [00:23:00] children challenge it.
Roula: Yeah. Because they want to be listened. Is it because we give them so much space to talk and we listen?
Sergio: Well, I think it's important to listen to your kids as well, right? I mean but I think there should be a fine line, right? I mean, if you always let them interrupt you, , you have chaos, , for later on and it also brings difficulties for, , the teachers and whatever.
Sergio: So I think it's, I think you need, you find a balance, right? I think, I think where culturally where I came from, I think it's the same, , you have like respect for your elders and , you. You, you, , you, you let them speak. I think it was a little bit difficult with my upbringing cuz my mom was divorced divorced was in a, in a, in a, in a different country.
Sergio: So we, she was a little bit further from her, her culture, you might say. But yeah, I, I, I think, I think it's important to find a, a good balance in there. But I also know, I also know these very, let's say Talkative and brutal kids, you might say. I've, [00:24:00] yeah, I've seen examples about that where I think like, Hey, , I wouldn't condone that type of behavior, how that goes.
Sergio: But again, it's for everyone to, to find their way in, in, in grow, , in, in, in, in growing their kids. Do
Roula: you think that in all times they used to take, to say it takes a village to raise a child? Nowadays we live in cities and we are doing that all on our own because our families are far and we, we just do it on our own as couples or single parents.
Roula: What, what, how do you see it? Have you heard of it? Vi it takes a village to raise a child. I know,
Sergio: I know that one. Yeah, I know that's one. I do think maybe it's more now, nowadays that it's, , not the village anymore, but more the family itself. However, I don't have any difficulties and, and , we still have help, right?
Sergio: So when we were here at a small daycare at Kit Ofor, they were like educating our kids as well. And I find it very important now with the daycare that we have in [00:25:00] and with the , the teachers there. , they also help educate our kids, , and grandma, granddad and, and not so much friends.
Sergio: Even though, , my friends can definitely, , if, if James or Finn does something right, they can definitely say something about it. I, I wouldn't mind because I understand that, , it's, it's for the best. But I do think in this day and age, it's more the family itself that does it then, rather than I think the whole village at that time.
Roula: Yeah, I like it that you said that you don't get offended or upset if someone would see a behavior and would try to. Talk directly to your child?
Sergio: I wouldn't mind. Of course, it depends on what they say and how they say it, but no, I don't, I don't mind. No, of course. But it's,
Roula: but it's person you trust, , not a stranger approaching your child.
Sergio: Well, even, even if it was a stranger, , even if James, I don't know, he or James or Finn, , he would, I don't know say bad words to to another kid or throw something on the street [00:26:00] or hit a car whatsoever. Right. If someone says, Something about it, , in a good manner. Of course, it's okay.
Sergio: Or even if someone might have an angry, , James hit the car and that person is angry, I would understand it, right? I would explain it to him, but I would understand it. James, if you do that, people can get angry, right? How that person would communicate it to James. That, that, that, the difference, I cannot control it, but I can't explain it, but I would understand it.
Sergio: And I wouldn't be mad. I mean, if he would hit my kid, that's a different, , that's a, that's a different thing. But yeah. I mean, they're part of society, so there are different people there who can, yeah, who can talk to them about it.
Roula: So what are the implemented strategies that you and Lisa. Have taken on to divide your household chores and taking care of the kids and living your life?
Sergio: Well, I th I think there's some, some, let's say, [00:27:00] tasks, , divided that someone always does, , be it if some, because someone likes it or, or, . Or yeah, likes to do it. So Lisa always does the laundry, right? So that's really her thing. I'm always like vacuuming the house. I'm always the first out of bed in the morning with the kids going downstairs.
Sergio: Making their making their their meals in the morning, preparing their lunch boxes so Lisa can lie a little bit longer in bed now that she's pregnant, then she comes down yeah, washing the kids. She dresses them. She dresses them. I'll, I take them every time to school. We sometimes pick them up together.
Sergio: Now we have this hybrid way of working. So that's also a blessing because you can do so much when you are at home, ? So during lunch sometimes I do the groceries. I already start cooking for the evening. Then we go to school, we pick them up mostly together, then we pick them up. That's our moment [00:28:00] together, right, with the four of us.
Sergio: During during a busy week, they come home. Lisa has prepared them little vegetable snacks because that's mostly the only vegetables they eat. We have dinner on the table and then we go it depends a little bit, but mostly this time of year in the summer we go outside for a walk with them before they go to bed.
Sergio: Then we bring them. We always bring them together to to e both and to bed. We have done a a book and then nowadays they also sleep together so they can play a little bit together. I think this whole process will take about one hour and then I think by 6 37 ish they're in bed. Sometimes they sleep immediately.
Sergio: Sometimes it can take 45 minutes. And , what we've learned is. We don't have to shout at them or have, , have to in bed. They will sleep when they are ready to sleep. And then next morning they sleep like 11 hours I guess. And the next morning they're awake and [00:29:00] it all starts again.
Roula: Is there a moment where you think, ah, it's so boring to be with a child, win these things every day? No.
Sergio: No. I don't get bored at all with these guys. No. No. I think No, I really love being, having them around. I mean, bored. No. Can I sometimes get crazy or annoyed by them? Yeah, of course. It's a funny thing, , because sometimes they're like so busy and, and, and fighting and, and then laughing and then fighting and then laughing.
Sergio: And then I say to Lisa, , I can kill these kids, ? And then when they're in bed, it's like, we look at each other and it's like, Oh man, I miss them. I miss, I miss them shouting and fighting and whatever. Boring. No, never. Can't imagine. It's gonna be boring. Ever. So
Roula: what, what does each one of them do to like get the blood from under your nails?
Sergio: Wow. So Finn the youngest, this guy, he doesn't. [00:30:00] Yeah, I, I don't know. You give him a warning. It's, it's like he, he just doesn't listen. And then for instance, , if he's bugging James, , and James is like, no, Finn don't do it. And he keeps bugging him and bugging him. And I say like, Finn, don't do it.
Sergio: , your brother already said like, don't do it because he's annoyed, then stop it. And he looks at me, or sometimes he doesn't even look at me and he just, Keep on going and going and going. So with Finn, that's what annoys me. He doesn't, I don't know, he's, he's not impressed. He's not impressed by us.
Sergio: It's so funny to see where James is like, , I shout at him once and he's like, oh shit, I'm in trouble. So he's more like Lisa and I, he's in Finn a little bit more like, like me.
Roula: Tell me more about that.
Sergio: Yeah, we, we re we recognize it, , so Lisa is, , he's also very caring, but also can how should I say, worry [00:31:00] sometimes.
Sergio: And she also, she also told me that as a child, , she was, as a young child, she was already worried about, , how to do her tax returns and getting a driver's license and have all these big. Big adult insecurities as a child, and James has the same last, what was the thing that he asked us last time?
Sergio: Yeah. Are are, are you going to, are you going to give me to teach me how to drive? Or, or, yeah. As a No, James, , you, you can get lessons, , just like swimming lessons, right? You. Take it easy. , you're not 18 or 17 yet, , take it easy, but more of these things he, you, but you can see already on his face, , that he's, he's thinking a lot of things over.
Sergio: It's, it's, it's so funny to see. And, and sometimes also a little bit , we, how should I say it? We worry a little bit for him because he's like, Worrying about these things as well, , where we think like, , you are, you are just a kid, , you should, you shouldn't worry about [00:32:00] about these type of things.
Sergio: But it's also what makes him James, right? He's a very caring, loving, soft spoken, funny, funny
Roula: guy. And how does Finn look like you?
Sergio: Well, I think already on how he looks like he looks like me. But I also think it's he's more. Energetic, you might say. He wants to, he wants to fight, , and he wants to, yeah, like, like you, when you have a little boy, , he wants to demolish things and he has just got that physical energy within him, which he's cannot yet control yet.
Sergio: Yeah, I think he has that little bit from that. I have it. And this
Roula: is why you like sport. It helps you get your energy.
Sergio: Yeah. It's, it, it gives me energy. I, I you feel, , when you get a result in sports or whatever, but definitely physically, it, it gives me energy. I feel energized. I can, I can take on the whole world.
Sergio: Right. If I'm finished on my sporting.
Roula: Do you, when you [00:33:00] look at your children, do you already see what kind of future each one of them. Might be having by knowing their personality, their, what they like to
Sergio: do. Well, I think it's difficult, but we do fantasize about it. So Finn, we say, , he's gonna work in construction or something, right?
Sergio: He's gonna be a bow fucker, , or something like that. And James, we think he's more on the. , the, the communica, he's strong in communication, right? So we, Lisa, things like , maybe in a lawyer or something like that. Or I say like, , maybe in sales, but I think it's difficult, but we, we find it funny to fantasize about about where they are going to end up.
Roula: Yeah, it is nice. I think it's, it's a good fantasy.
Sergio: Yeah, it is on work is good, but let's see, , as, as long as they're happy, I guess, right. Don't
Roula: forget AI is, will be like their, their backyard place, so maybe they cannot do something
Sergio: with it. Crazy things happening with ai. Yeah.
Roula: In our modern world [00:34:00] there is divorce, there are single parents children living in foster homes.
Roula: But one thing is really, I think is in statistic studies is very proven that a life of a child is much better when he has or she has a father in their life or a father figure. Can you tell me in your opinion, how a father or father figure in a child life can make a difference for
Sergio: them? Yeah, I think so.
Sergio: I think helping set. An example, right, in terms of what's expected of a, of a man, of a male, or taking care of a family as well, right? And, and helping challenge or, or , when you have these insecurities, , he let someone help him get past these insecurities and challenges that are in life.
Sergio: I mean, I have Hans of course, right? He was not my biological father and he came into our life and we were already older. So he got three stepchildren [00:35:00] who are al already a little bit older. So even though I see Hans as a father figure I do think I missed the father figure because I think he also had some difficulties in terms of, , these are not my kids.
Sergio: What can I, , what, what is my role? And, and that's maybe one of the things that I miss and I want to be there for, for my child. , give them, Help along the way. Prepare them for the all the things that come along. And I mean, there's a role for the mother there, but of course there's also a role for the father there because from, I think from, from, from from nature, a dad does things differently.
Sergio: Right. , I, it's not like solely providing for the family. Right. Because women can provide as well. Right. But I think in the modern day and age still, the forest being looked like that's the main provider, I guess. So it, it will, it brings something different to the table besides the
Roula: mother. From my experience, I feel like.
Roula: Put away all the serious stuff. A father figure is also teaching courage to the child because in our motherly instinct, we're so careful. We are scared. [00:36:00] Don't jump. You will hurt yourself. Don't run. We, we want them to play it safely. Yeah, and father figure, or father, I think teach the boys or and the girls.
Roula: That's so important to teach the girls too, how to be courageous. Do you see it in such a way?
Sergio: Yeah, I, I mean, I see it on a daily, so I sometimes can very, very direct or maybe even harsh to the kids. Right. So for example when Finn fell yesterday, or Yeah, I think yesterday he fell, I didn't immediately pick him up.
Sergio: He was crying. I, I did not immediately comfort him. I asked him, finish, is everything okay? Can you get up? And Lisa was like no, , go to him and pick him up and comfort him. And I was like, first, like, no, , just let him see what he does does now. And she's like, no. And when he cries, it goes straight to my heart and, and everything, , also being hormones now.
Sergio: But this is a daily example, , where our [00:37:00] approach to this is differently. So definitely with the courage and, and maybe let them take risks. I do that more in compared to Lisa, , and even though I, I also want to protect, right? But he also needs to take risks and explore things for himself.
Sergio: So that's a little different approach that we have, and I think between men and women in general, I guess
Roula: it's, that's a funny thing. Sometimes I let Rito and Liam go and do things without me. So they can be more adventurous and brave than having me being scared and worried about what they're going to do.
Roula: I think Rito loves this freedom to just be courageous with Liam without me.
Sergio: Well, yeah, I think it's a good solution, right? That what you just said, like, , it doesn't work for me, so I'm not gonna be there. Okay, fine. Right. It's a good solution. Comes
Roula: with age,
Sergio: Asian experience.
Roula: It's all beautiful to be a father and wanting to [00:38:00] give the best for your children.
Roula: Be there for them. Support Lisa. W what is the most challenging thing you found on becoming a father? Well, now your kids are not teenagers, otherwise you would have tons of answers.
Sergio: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard that. , big big kids, big problems or big worries. What they, what they say. Right. I think trying, I, I think understanding what they need at any given, let's say face in their, , growing up where they are.
Sergio: I think Deon. Important challenge that I face because it's very easy to live your life, right? And, , I have kids and then, , go about, but I don't think it's that easy. , you should recognize what they need at what time and, and this will change during their when they're growing up.
Sergio: So I think consciously thinking about, , how do we. How do we act at a certain moment? , what, what does he need now? , letting him a little bit more [00:39:00] loose or, , being very caring or, and this also, I, I guess, depends on the child itself, right? Cause they're different.
Sergio: But in terms of challenges, I don't see any real challenges, ? I mean, I hear a lot of these peer parents with, , with, with, with not sleeping long and, and whatever. And we had that with Finn, right. , for one year and a half he slept like an, an asshole, like four or five hours, and then he was awake and, but I, I never saw that as a challenge.
Roula: No, you coped with it. It was.
Sergio: Well, it's, again, I'm thinking in processes, right? So if he's awake at four o'clock, , and then in, in, in, in, in the evening, and, , I had to go outside with a stroller three, four o'clock in the evening. Even in winter, , we walked, we walked here to the streets, and then about half an hour, an hour later he slept.
Sergio: And then, so what did I do? ? Yeah. I go to bed early. Yeah. , I need my sleep. He needs to [00:40:00] sleep. He doesn't, I mean, he doesn't listen to me, right? He still wakes up for about one year and a half, right? What can I do? Okay, so I need to sleep. Okay? So I go to bed early. I, I do a little bit more sports.
Sergio: I go a little bit less outside. , seeing my friends. Yeah, somewhere there needs to be a sacrifice. At least for me. There needs to be a sacrifice just to make sure that. That I can cope with it, and if I, I can cope with it, then the family can cope with it. , we can get through it, but it, I I've never seen it as a, as a challenge or something.
Sergio: No, it's just, yeah, it was very important to me. That's how we made our family situation, I guess. Yeah. Good.
Roula: What does becoming a father mean to you?
Sergio: Yeah, it's everything. I think that's one of the things that when you ask me to do this you asked me about, , you should only talk about it if it's important to you.
Sergio: And I think I said like, , I'm not one to share, but this is the most important role that I have in, in life, right. Being a, [00:41:00] being a father. And, and I don't take that lightly, right? So I just, I, yeah, I, I'm, I don't make sacrifices, but I just make sure my life is so organized that I can be the best version of myself for my kids.
Sergio: And that means I think for, for us, , we don't go outside or, or, or we see friends a lot, but the, the circle is small, right? So we definitely limited on the people who we see, , we don't we don't go out every weekend to see different people, right? We, we, we limited ourselves. And I think.
Sergio: That's important to understand and being able to, and sometimes having that helicopter view and then look at the family and then see, okay, what do I need to, , keep my family life going in a, I don't know, healthy, stable, way forward? And, and bring these sacrifices for it, , and I think that's important to keep reflecting on [00:42:00] it.
Sergio: Did I find it important to keep reflecting on it? Like, , is this still a good, healthy situation? Because I think it's so easy to , in daily life to to forget these things, right? , you just live your life, , and life is just happening to you or you can make it happen.
Sergio: And I think what, what we are doing is we are making it happen for our family. And if that means. , some, when I was younger, you, I, I had these insecurities about making a career, right? I should work hard, , I should earn a lot of money. All these outside noises is what I thought was expected of me.
Sergio: So this brought of a lot of insecurities, like, , you need me to make, need to make a career. You need to be a manager, , need to earn, I don't know, 100 k a year or something like that. And then I started working part-time because the family is important. Some, so, so some people find it important to have a career.
Sergio: If I, and I don't have that, not anymore. If they have it, if they find the same joy out of it that I have in raising my kids and my family, I would, I would understand that. [00:43:00] Right. But I don't have it. I think the most important role that I have is for my family being a father. And I structure my life according to that.
Sergio: So I work less, I, I, I don't know. I balance it out.
Roula: There is so much on social media about, , reels and videos. I don't know if you watched them or heard about them. I think they're a lot of complaints like videos from women mostly complaining about how men they don't do things or how they do things not to their standards.
Roula: And trying to, to make this picture of. Calling for some help in a way they think it's right. When I see these videos, I wonder how men feel when they watch this stuff. Fathers, mostly because it's mostly families and mothers doing these videos and reels, and I don't want judge to judge them. I'm just very curious and knowing.
Roula: How do men feel when they look at this video? Especially [00:44:00] someone, I mean, any man would. Feel something and you are someone standing strong for your family. Do do you have any impression of what these videos mean?
Sergio: I don't think I see those videos. I mean, I think I may sometimes see these jokingly videos on Instagram.
Sergio: I, I don't see the seriousness in, in them. I mean, if they, if they are serious, it, it, it depends on their experience. And it. Depends on their experience and what they did with what they do with their experience. So if it's really a problem for them and they post these things online, well I'm thinking, did you share this with your part?
Sergio: Is this something , if it's so heavy for you, did you share it? Do you talk about it? Did you let the partner know what you are expecting? When is it going to be a fair. , we are going to be happy when it's going to be fair. I mean, I can, I can imagine, , there are some relationships out there where, for [00:45:00] instance, the man brings in the money and the wife does maybe all the chores in house.
Sergio: But if that works for them and they're happy, fine by me,
Roula: obviously the, the partners see in the videos. Well, they they know now
Sergio: they know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if they know, yeah, what are you going to do about it? , you're in it together, so , you should make it work together. But if you have these hateful videos online, , that doesn't work.
Sergio: I mean, , I would be appalled by it if Lisa would, would do this and maybe yeah, if she didn't talk to me, definitely. But yeah, I would ask like, Hey, , what's wrong and how, how can I help? , what can, what can I do to make it work? And you sometimes have these things. We're still in our, in, in, in our life.
Sergio: We have these things. , she does a lot more of the, , in terms of the, let's say the school contacts and it's one of the things that's not really like discussed, right. But she does it automatically. But then I didn't. I didn't knew that, , it's, she [00:46:00] also wanted me to maybe do a little bit more about these things and bring me a little bit more update about, about it.
Sergio: So it, it can happen all the time, but that's, that's not a big thing. And, , we discuss about it, but I don't think it's a big thing As the examples that you that you
Roula: mentioned, yes. Well, se you make fatherhood look so easy, so natural.
Sergio: Yeah, it is easy, but it's also not easy. But the energy that I get from it makes it easy.
Sergio: Good.
Roula: Thank you. Welcome.