Roula: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Life Affairs Podcast. This is a place where we share life experiences and the many lessons learned by just living. Join me to immerse ourselves and take a closer look at the stories that shaped and defined us. Just remember, there's no judgment and a lot of understanding on today's episode of the Life Affairs Podcast.

Roula: For decades, I've woken up in a bad mood. To this day, I can see my mom each morning from the 24 years I lived in Lebanon trying to understand my anger. My mother didn't know what to do or how to help me. She took the wrong roads we've been down before. You know how it is when we are uncomfortable because we fear the strong feelings of others.

Roula: We want those feelings to go away. That's me. I had a bad mood and a shitload of anger. [00:01:00] Today, after years of hard work to understand and improve my rapport with others and with myself, my good mood wins. I feel gratitude and self love. My breakthrough happened when I learned that my bad mood is my responsibility.

Roula: My good mood is also mine to own. Of course, external factors amplified my mood. I didn't like living in the war. I couldn't cope with the patriarchal world I lived in. The society's hypocrisy and norms suffocated me. When I moved to the Netherlands, I still had a bad mood because I felt I was missing out on life.

Roula: I escaped the chaos in Lebanon, but I couldn't find my calling and my purpose. I was floating in life. I was adjusting and blending, living as expected, not listening to my inner soul. Today, much of that bad mood is in the past. I don't [00:02:00] dwell on it anymore. This doesn't mean I've forgotten it. I use it as my precious life lessons and continue moving forward.

Roula: On my podcast, I want to take you with me into these experiences. On each episode, I will connect you with the right voices to raise the topics and bring its sweetness into our lives. The sweet taste has the ingredients of good mood, gratitude and kindness. They fill our days and hearts with joy. This is where my guest Matt O'Neill will help us dismantle.

Roula: He is a recognized leader in happiness education. Let's get started. He wrote the book, The Good Mood Revolution, Igniting the Power of Conscious Happiness. I listened to Matt's podcast, The Good Mood Revolution. It lift me up and gently bring me back down to the ground. He tackles daily affairs, questions and events.

Roula: He does this to help others move from bad mood to gratitude and then to a good [00:03:00]mood. His tips and insights help me every time I try them. Matt, having lived in a bad mood himself, made his mistakes and had his regrets. He chose to spend a fortune of dollars in searching for happiness. Matt went on a journey to learn from the greatest teachers on lasting happiness.

Roula: He shares his wisdom, experience, and method on his podcast, The Good Mood Revolution. Today, I didn't start with the question. Something happened that made me change the routine. So join me now in this conversation and find out what has changed to my routine.

Roula: I was planning to start with a question, but now I'm starting with an event that happened to me an hour and a half ago, and I felt in such a bad mood suddenly. My question will come [00:04:00] after I tell you about the event. 

Matt: Okay. 

Roula: All right. My son has a friend from school playing with him. And I asked the friend when he will be picked up.

Roula: He said his dad will call me. So his dad called me at 5 o'clock and asked me what time shall I come and pick up my son. I answered, now is a good time. He said, no, I can't. I will come over at quarter past 6. Thanks for watching! I was not upset because he's not coming at 5 o'clock to pick up his son. I was upset because why did you ask me what's convenient to me while you already have another time on your mind?

Roula: And suddenly, my mood changed. I was upset and felt like really in a bad mood, like played or something. And this is what I want to ask you. What happened with me? Why this turns me into such [00:05:00] a bad mood feeling. 

Matt: Oh, it's so wonderful. Look at you being so vulnerable. Rola, this is amazing that you can just talk about something so raw, you know, because of course, most people don't want to admit that they get upset, especially not somebody with podcast like you, but that's the reason your audience loves you.

Matt: So, anytime we're angry, we are believing three things. The first is, somebody did something wrong. So, he asked you to be polite, most likely. When would be a good time? Did he do anything wrong? 

Roula: After an hour and a half, no. 

Matt: Now that I'm reflecting, in the moment it was wrong. In the moment, so, so this is how, this, anytime you get angry, if you just remember that, [00:06:00] that you are in the moment believing these three things, all you have to do is question these three beliefs, and the anger goes away.

Matt: So the first, just know when you're angry, you're believing, one, somebody did something wrong. Two, somebody is negatively impacted. And three, It's all their fault. In the moment when he said, uh, Hey, what time would you like me to come? And you said, Oh, now it would be really good. And he said, Oh, I can't. You all of a sudden had this subconscious belief that he did something wrong.

Matt: He asked you a question just to, just to take it back. and that you were negatively impacted because you know you might have a belief that people should say what they mean and that it was all his fault that he did this. So let's just dismantle these beliefs because the anger goes away. Like you could have gotten yourself out of a bad mood within 60 seconds [00:07:00] if you had known these three things were going on inside of you.

Matt: You just, as soon as you get angry, go grab a piece of paper or in your head, it's easier on And just write it out. Okay. I believe someone did something wrong. Is that true? Did he do anything wrong? Well, in the United States, we're very, very polite. And I'm sure in Amsterdam, you're very, very polite. I've been, we visited, it was lovely.

Matt: So sometimes we just say polite things like when, when would be good just to be polite. And he might've expected you to say six o'clock or seven o'clock. And then you didn't and then he was kind of put out, you know, he got caught in his polite little game and rather than just coming out and saying so according to his filter that I should be polite first.

Matt: Maybe it wasn't wrong to him. 

Roula: So I wasn't polite at the end. Now that you're describing the situation and I'm putting myself in it again. I can see the last thing he was [00:08:00] expecting that I say now. 

Matt: Right, he didn't expect that. He wouldn't have, he wouldn't have offered if he had thought you'd say no. So the second thing is someone was negatively impacted.

Matt: Somebody was harmed. Were you really harmed by keeping the extra friend for an extra hour? No, I wasn't. But in your, in the moment, your subconscious mind, anytime we get angry, our subconscious mind thinks we're harmed. And the harm might've been that this person has disrespected me, right? That might've been the harm.

Matt: But then when you start to question it, am I really harmed right now? You, in this case, no, the really in the grand scheme of things, six months from now, this is, there's no impact at all, no negative impact whatsoever. And then the third question is it's all his fault. Well, you know, he spoke before thinking that you could possibly say now, so that's his fault, but [00:09:00] Really?

Matt: I don't know that he had any intention to upset you at all How does that how does that framework work? You 

Roula: dismantled it so quickly in the right direction Because after the anger is gone I could also feel I was acting silly being upset that he asked me when he doesn't mean it. 

Matt: Well, here's the thing about anger.

Matt: Anger is a very primal emotion. We all have it. I get angry. I got angry yesterday. I had a guy, I'll, I'll share my story. I'll be vulnerable. A guy had said, sent me a zoom link to train my company. And so I sent this zoom link to all 60 people who work with me and I said, Hey, he's training you today at noon.

Matt: I copied him. I said, here's the link. I needed to go to lunch with somebody that was important to me. And so I wasn't able to be at the training. I get back from the training. I get back from lunch and there's [00:10:00] email after email after email. My team is saying the link doesn't work. The link doesn't work.

Matt: The link doesn't work. And then I see an email from this guy and he says, Hey, I'm on, I'm on this link. Nobody's here. So I immediately got angry. And I, and I know the, I know this method, right? But it doesn't matter just because I know how, what's happening. It doesn't stop the primal part of me from thinking he did something wrong.

Matt: He sent me the wrong link. He was wrong for that. Right. And I even confirmed with him and he was still wrong. And then I'm harmed. Because I told I look silly now I told my whole team to show up and We you know, it was his link He sent me and now they're all you know, and then he didn't come and fix it and then he's all the blame Yeah, he's to blame.

Matt: Well I used this process yesterday and I said, okay Now did he do something wrong? And i'm like, I don't know Maybe I grabbed the wrong link [00:11:00] I don't know if I did or if I did it in our anger. We're so sure You He sent me that like when we're angry we are convicted. We know the truth But once we start to question it, I really was like, I don't know Maybe I made the mistake.

Matt: I don't know like and truly I still don't know to this moment And then the second thing is somebody was significantly harmed or impacted i'm like, uh Yeah, it's kind of inconvenient, but I bet we can reschedule and we did we rescheduled for today So we weren't really that impacted and the third thing it was all his fault You Well, as I said, I don't know if it was a miscommunication on my end or his end So I really don't know if it was all his fault as soon as I use that three Three phase framework that we just worked through with your son's friend The anger was gone.

Matt: It's like takes less than a minute Or or we can be angry for an hour or two days Or a month I mean, you could dismantle anger, like childhood [00:12:00] anger at parents that you've held on to for three decades using this 

Roula: paper, a pen and put down why we feel angry. 

Matt: I'm going to see if 

Roula: I repeat them. They are now recorded and I cannot forget them.

Matt: Well, I learned this from a guy named Dr. Mort Orman. He has spent the last 40 years as an anger management coach. And, and as soon as, as soon as he explained this framework to me, I was like, wow, that's it. And he, he, he has claimed that anyone who thinks that they're an angry person, that's just who they are, that they can totally stop being an angry person if they are willing to question if their judgments are right.

Matt: So, the path to no longer being angry is to be humble and have humility. To admit, maybe I'm wrong. Mmm, [00:13:00] which is really hard. We can either be angry and right, or we could possibly be wrong and happy. And we have to make a choice, but we can't be right and angry and happy. You don't get them both. So which one do we want?

Matt: I would rather be wrong and happy than angry and right. 

Roula: What brought you to this path? Were you very angry and decided I'm done with it? Or people ran away from you and you found yourself alone? 

Matt: I was so angry. Yeah, that's actually what Dr. Orman says. He said, if you don't change this, these ways, you could end up alone.

Matt: And he was facing that he was very angry. He was a doctor, like a medical doctor. He said, in medical school, I had to be right. You want your doctor to be right and so but then he said I brought it home and I had to be right with my Wife and I had to be right with my kids and I was driving my family away And he said I needed to [00:14:00] make changes.

Matt: Well for me, my dad was a really angry person and Really emotionally and verbally abusive. It was really it was really a tough Situation when I was really young and then I grew up with a lot of anger And was really, and I would get really angry. I'd fly off the handle and I just kind of thought it was in my DNA.

Matt: Like, Oh, my dad was like this. I've inherited this thing. I, he had a hot temper. I have a hot temper. And I thought it was who I was. I labeled myself as somebody with a short fuse. 

Roula: Did the people around you label you with this? Did they say you sound like your dad? 

Matt: That was the worst. Yeah. If anyone said that, that was the worst, but I would hear it.

Matt: And one day in my twenties, I was out to dinner with a girlfriend and she said something and I started to raise my voice and I was shouting in the restaurant and she got up and left. And then I'm sitting in this restaurant [00:15:00] left all alone and it hit me. This has to change. I need to figure this out. And so I started to study and I started to figure out what was going on.

Matt: And then I realized that I wasn't just an angry person and it wasn't something I was born with. And that was actually just some decisions that my subconscious was making that I could, that I could totally change by questioning what I was believing. 

Roula: So you studied to get better. You didn't go into therapy and What's the difference and what did you choose for 

Matt: studies?

Matt: I did. Yes, I've seen psychologists, I've seen psychiatrists, I've seen coaches, I've seen mentors, I've seen monks, I've walked on fire, I've, you know, flown all over the world. I went to Amsterdam and saw Tony Robbins when he was in Amsterdam. And, uh, yes, I just became a student of everything. And psychology was [00:16:00] definitely one of the biggest things that I was interested in because of course I grew up without happiness and that was all I wanted was happiness.

Matt: And here's the good news. If all you want is happiness there, the answers are there. You can have it. If you, if you are willing to be humble and have humility, you can learn these methods and you can be happy. 

Roula: Well, we come probably later towards the end that you share with us some secrets and some tips to make us feel happy while we think we're still chasing happiness.

Matt: Yeah, yeah. Actually, the Declaration of Independence that the United States was founded on said we were born with the unalienable right to pursue happiness. And even then they were like, pursue it. Such a big target. Why not just be it? 

Roula: This is like digging in a gold mine. Who thought of 

Matt: it? Founding fathers of the [00:17:00] United States just said, All right, you can chase it.

Matt: You can't have it, but you can chase it. Well, I'm here to say that you can have it, and it's not accessible in the future. Pursuing happiness gives you more of what you're doing. You just keep chasing and chasing and chasing. The only way to have happiness is to be it now. It's the only time you can ever have it.

Roula: So, what do we say to someone, you know, you have people, probably I was one of these people a long time ago, they wake up and they're in a bad mood already. 

Matt: Me too. I'm still one of these people. 

Roula: That's great. Because now you can walk us through how do you do it so that you start your day on a positive note.

Roula: And you know, when you when a person wake up in a bad mood, it's not only that person affected, it's the whole house, and maybe later the work. And I know you have a very successful company. So don't tell me you leave your room [00:18:00] before you make sure you are in a good mood. 

Matt: I do, so a lot of things can have us waking up in a funk, you know, depending on the TV programming we watched the night before, if it was really stressful, we might have had stressful dreams.

Matt: So you can, like, I'll find myself waking up with bad mood energy often. And there's a lot of stuff in our subconscious. I mean, there's a lot of trauma and wounds. I know that you more than anyone know that growing up in wartime times. There's, there's tears and nightmares. Well, when we're dreaming, we're not really conscious of what is going on.

Matt: And so we could wake up and we could just have sad energy or angry energy or frustrated or fearful. So I have a sign taped right next to my bed. It's on the floor and it has two words and the first word says thank and the second word says you And [00:19:00] when my foot hits the ground my left foot I say thank and when my right foot hits the ground I say you And I say a silent prayer of thank you because my wife is still sleeping I'm saying thank you.

Matt: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you to god Every step as I walk through the house is to start my day And that little tiny, this is you wanted some actionable strategies. This little tiny easy actionable strategy takes no extra time. You're going to get out of the bed and put two feet on the ground anyway.

Matt: You're going to walk through the house anyway. You might as well just say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you as soon as you do. So here's the thing is that we can't always go from a bad mood to a good mood, but we can always go from a bad mood to grateful. And then once we're grateful that we're alive, then we, the good moods are accessible.

Roula: I do hear a lot of [00:20:00] grateful feelings and affirmations after the event of waking up in a bad mood because we can always find something to be grateful for. 

Matt: Also, when I'm, when I make my coffee. I go grab, I go sit down with my coffee and of course, coffee puts us in a good mood. I don't know. Are you a coffee drinker?

Matt: I 

Roula: am. 

Matt: It does. Yes. It's, so there's science behind that too. It elevates your wellbeing, it elevates your mood. So when I'm sitting down with this cup of coffee already, I'm happy because I have my coffee, but I, I put my hand on my heart and I wait until I can feel my heartbeat. And then I say another prayer from that state feeling my heartbeat and I say, thank you God for my heartbeat today.

Roula: Now you make me think I don't do this with my heartbeat. I put my ear on my husband's heartbeat. [00:21:00] And I really feel, feel calm and reassurance. And sometimes I do it with my son. Well, I also have two daughters, but too old. They don't want me to touch them. That's no, 

Matt: no, no. 

Roula: They're 21 and 19. And my son is nine.

Matt: They are women. Now they're on their own. 

Roula: They find me weird if I do this, but my son loves it. So I feel so much calm when I hear their heartbeat. Holding a warm cup of tea or coffee in the morning, that gives so much hope in a way. I don't know why. 

Matt: It does. It does. Yeah, so yeah, try. So I love what you do.

Matt: I'm going to steal from you. I'm going to put my head on my wife's heartbeat and listen to my children's heartbeat. 

Roula: It will also make them wake up in a good mood. 

Matt: Here's the reality. It's an intellectual thing to say, [00:22:00] Oh, I'm grateful to be alive. That's intellectual. When you hear someone's heartbeat that you love, you move out of your mind and into your being of knowing that you're grateful.

Matt: They're still here. Because we all have lost people that we care about. And we know that today is not a given. There's no guarantee that we'll be here tomorrow. There's no guarantee that people we love will be here tomorrow. Every single day we get with them is a gift. And that is how we stop being in a bad mood.

Matt: There's no way to be upset, frustrated, agitated, anxious if all of a sudden we're listening to someone's heartbeat that we love and feeling grateful they're still here. You cannot be Angry and then grateful your loved one is here at the same time. Those two things cannot exist simultaneously within you.

Matt: So yeah, I just choose to focus on that. That's, that's beautiful. How[00:23:00]

Roula: do you help your children to, in addition to be grateful, how do you help them to regulate their positivity and their good moods because so much also happened, no matter how old or how young we are, so much happening in our lives. 

Matt: I'm working on this with my 10 year old right now. She, she has been having some challenging emotions, and I've identified it's because I've put a lot of pressure on her to be, to achieve.

Matt: I said, hey, get good grades. And I said, Hey, do really great in your sports and then I'll reward you. And so she comes home with a great report card. I'll take her out to a special dinner. And I thought I was helping her. I thought, Oh, if I could help her, if I could reward her for doing [00:24:00]good, then she'll feel great when she does great.

Matt: And then she'll have more options to be successful and what college she'll go to and what career she'll have. And what I've now figured out is that I have created a perfectionist who anytime she doesn't do perfect, doesn't accept herself. I can relate. I was the same way. So don't wonder that I like I wanted to do so well so that I would feel worthwhile inside.

Matt: And it's probably the reason that I grew all the, you know, success I did in the in the business world. And I was a straight A student in school in the same way, right? Um, and then I was really hard on myself that things didn't go perfect. So because I can see that in me, I recognize as her dad, I did it to her and she'll get triggered sometimes.

Matt: Like just, just the other day she [00:25:00] came home from cheerleading practice and we had let her sister sit in her chair because she wasn't there and her sister wanted to sit closer to mom. So we said, sure, Cameron, you can sit here. And then Harper gets home and Cameron's in her chair. And then she's in the most foul mood.

Matt: And she starts to pick on her sisters and she's just, she's just in a really bad mood. Well, I've just told you why, but in the moment, I don't know why. I wonder, did something bad happen at cheerleading? What happened today? I'm asking her these questions, but as the parent, I need to, I need to figure out if, if a child's in a bad mood, they feel rejected or unloved in some way.

Matt: So I was just searching my brain. How does she feel rejected or unloved? And then it hit me. Oh, Cameron's in her chair. And so she stormed off. She stomped her feet and went upstairs into her room and [00:26:00] slams the door. And again, I don't know what's happening. But I went up there and I gave her a big hug and I said, Are you upset that Cameron was in your chair?

Matt: And she's like, No. And I said, I love you so much. We didn't mean to upset you. Cameron had asked if she could sit close to mom while you were at practice. And she said, you didn't even set my plate either. It's like, it's like I wasn't even, I wasn't even part of the family tonight. And boom. And that was like the admission.

Matt: So this is a 10 year old's mind. And this is our job with parenting is to, when our children are upset, We need to do our best to figure out where do they feel unloved? Where do they feel rejected? How do they, how are they feeling unaccepted? And that's all they want is to feel loved and whole and accepted exactly as they are.

Matt: And if we can give them that feeling, then their bad moods go away. They just really need to feel safe and secure and loved in all circumstances. So I'm working [00:27:00] really hard with Harper right now to help her feel safe, secure, loved, and whole. If she gets. Poor grades on her schoolwork or not 

Roula: What's wrong with us parents?

Roula: We demand so much from our kids Great great. All we think about is their grades So much pressure today, I was listening to a podcast by dr. Shefali and She described exactly what you described we parents project Our failures or our hope on our children, we don't give them the space to do and decide on how they want to do it.

Roula: So the example you gave about asking her to have good grades and then reward her. Now, this makes me think of two, two things that I want to ask about. I wonder if mothers act the same because men like [00:28:00] to be rewarded for their achievement. So you're telling your daughter I will reward you if you get high grades.

Roula: You didn't give her another option. You won't reward her if she doesn't get the grades you're expecting. Like she's with her back against the wall. What is she gonna do? So what method are you looking for now to overcome this thing you promised her and she can't deliver probably? 

Matt: I'm so glad you asked.

Matt: So we have now shifted. to We are going to reward Based on how much they love and accept themselves regardless of what the grade says That means it's a guaranteed reward Right, but they could reject themselves and you know and cry about it and get upset that they didn't get the score they wanted And my job at that moment is to coach them into accepting themselves and, [00:29:00] uh, recognizing that it was the best they could do in that moment.

Matt: If they could have done better, the results would be better, but they did their very best. And for that, they need to be proud. And then if they want to make changes or adjust study habits or whatever, that's on, that's on them. They don't have to. And bring them around to self acceptance and self love. And once they get to that point, so if they can start there, great.

Matt: And then if we bring them there, great. And there'll be, we'll go out to a nice dinner to reward how much they accept themselves. And it's just rewarding when I actually want, I don't actually need my daughter to get perfect grades. I thought that would make her happy. Because I chased the wrong path to happiness myself and I already knew this.

Matt: I'm the good mood revolution guy, right? I already knew that the path to happiness was not through external achievement And yet unconsciously I just did the same thing. My mom did to me Raising my daughter and did the exact same thing she was doing to me and put all this pressure on her and now I'm waking up to it [00:30:00] and recognizing the error I made, but I would rather her be happy than get perfect marks and and also there's a lot of evidence that shows the happier we are, the more we achieve, so.

Matt: If, you know, if you want your children to have achievement, help them be happy. And if you just want them to be happy, help them be happy. Well, I'd say a lot of achievement while you're miserable is failure. Complete failure. 

Roula: You're not doing it for yourself then, because you're miserable. 

Matt: Look at these big stars.

Matt: There's a lot of people who have all, like, more success than we could ever dream of that take their own life. Like, what is happening? And, and this, I've just described it. What is happening is they were pressuring and pressuring and pressuring and pressuring and achieving and achieving and achieving, and they felt miserable and hollow and empty inside.

Matt: So, achievement doesn't bring happiness at all. 

Roula: Well, I'm grateful for Netflix because it has documentaries about all musicians that fell really hard because of how much they wanted [00:31:00] to achieve, or the athletes that fell really hard because of all the achievement and pressure they had on them. And we watched these series, I used to watch them.

Roula: They are kind of inspiring. But at a certain point, I'm like, I'm not going to watch another person killing themselves to achieve something and then really dying inside. because it was all to meet certain expectations. Society have this on us. Schools have it on our children. I cannot say that we parents should be so hard and blame blame ourselves this much.

Roula: There is a lot of pressure around us. And hopefully with the good mood revolution and a podcast like mine, People will start talking. We also parents don't talk. When was the last time you were vulnerable with another parent and talking about children issues? 

Matt: The parents are just, you know, playing the perfect part, trying to pretend like their [00:32:00]kids are doing really well and that everybody's happy.

Matt: We all think we're being judged by each other. But you know what? In their house there's arguments and stomping and slamming of doors too. Rahla. I think you're right that it is society too. So I can't take it all on my shoulders. The whole system, you're, you're given this grade and you're compared against the other kids in class.

Matt: The whole system is trying to show you that if you're at the top, you're the best, and if you're not, you're not. And it's just the way it is. And look at our society too. We are being brainwashed with. Luxury cars and luxury bags. And my daughter wants all this skin cream because all the influence, we think that this success is going to give us happiness, but this is where this all comes from is the human ego, the ego.

Matt: If you think about our humanity survival, if you were very, very popular coming up in a tribe, [00:33:00] if you were well liked and well loved, You were probably protected. And if you were not well liked, if people didn't like you and they might kick you out of the tribe. And if you got kicked out of the tribe because people didn't like you and you were on your own, your chances of survival were practically zero.

Matt: So there is a piece in us that feels like it's life or death to succeed and be well liked. And be popular and have people admire us. It's a survival instinct. But happiness doesn't come from that. Sure, it helped you survive in the tribe. We're not in tribes anymore. If somebody doesn't like you, it doesn't actually kill you.

Matt: So, once, if we can recognize that this is a survival instinct, we can stop playing the game. We can say, oh, okay, there's that. Competitiveness coming out. There's that desire to be the best coming out. I know that that's just [00:34:00] part of my hardwiring system What I really need right now is to give myself acceptance and love for where i'm at 

Roula: very much true what you're describing Some and it's in our dna even though we know no one is coming to kill us It feels like this sometimes 

Matt: It does doesn't it?

Matt: No Rationally, we know we're like, oh no, i'm not gonna die But it's the same thing with that anger. We were talking about When we actually question the, did they do something wrong? Was I harmed? Is it all their fault? Once we question those assumptions, the human survival animal sets it down as like, Oh no, actually I'm just freaking out a little bit over nothing.

Matt: Well, once we wake up to this idea that I'm being competitive right now, I'm comparing myself, I'm trying to prove I'm the best. We can say, do I need to be the best today? Do I have to beat those people? Do I have to look better than everyone? Do I need to get these good grades? What would happen? Will I die?

Matt: No. [00:35:00] Okay. Well then that's the same way is that then we can now choose to be happy instead of choose to be competitive. 

Roula: Yeah. How do you go about the, the good mood revolution at work? You have 60 employees, you said. Everyone has a temper. Everyone comes to the office in the mood. And I know that your company company is in top best places to work for in South Carolina.

Roula: Correct. 

Matt: We, so the last four years in a row, since, you know, really, since I've embraced this podcast and with the conversation we're having, We have been named in the top 10 places to work out of 470, 000 companies. Thank you. We were just number two this year. We were the number two company out of all those hundreds of thousands of companies.

Matt: And it, you know, the culture of a company does start from the top. So [00:36:00] of course I believe that energy attracts energy. So I have a desire. You walk in the front door and it says kindness. On the wall big bright letters because that's the word that describes our culture is kindness Well, if you walk in the in to my office and you want to work there and you think kindness is stupid If you don't think that's the way that you do business if you think business is about achievement rather than kindness You probably won't work with me You'll go work at my competitor who says, let's go conquer and achieve and I'll help you be the best and I'll help you win at all costs.

Matt: So we automatically detract the sharks. And so I don't have as many tempers and flare ups and hurt feelings as you would imagine. The other thing we do is we're really intentional about it. When you sign an agreement to work at my firm, you sign an agreement to honor our core values. [00:37:00]And kindness is one of the five.

Matt: Another is integrity, that we're going to do the right thing. Regardless of how it impacts us, we're going to do the right thing. If somebody violates our kindness core value and violates our integrity core value, the integrity core value is probably an immediate release. If they harm a client intentionally.

Matt: We don't have second chances on that the kindness one we give them a performance plan we say hey You know, you're violating this core value. You've got 30 days to you know work on it. We're here to coach you I mean, I've got the good mood revolution podcast start to listen to that I want you to be kind because when you're kind you're happy you just are and if you're being mean you're not happy so Again, like the whole purpose of life is to enjoy it.

Matt: That's it. The money doesn't matter. It goes away. If we're not enjoying our time here, we're wasting our time here. So I do try to coach somebody before we [00:38:00] move on from them. And some of them just don't choose it. And, and we'll just coach them out and we're, it will help them land in a good spot. But if they're going to yell at our employees.

Matt: If they're gonna yell, like, we just had a situation, unfortunately I had to move on from somebody today. He, this is his third, the third time he's got into shouting matches with people in the last six months. And it's not, it's just not something that we're gonna have around, because if I let one person shout at other people, And treat other people like that.

Matt: Well, then the rest of the people that don't do that now feel like they're in an unsafe workspace and they feel like their, their feelings aren't. Uh, good enough to be protected. So, you know, super kind again, with the way that we moved on from this guy today, I just said, Hey, you know, I'm, I want the best for you.

Matt: We want to help you transition to a new place. And, [00:39:00] you know, I'm going to, I'm going to give you some time. We're all here for you. I really like you as a human being. I want to see you do well. All this is true. I don't want to harm you. I want to help you, you know, just let us, let us be there with your transition.

Matt: And at the same time. You know, you know, you know what we value in this company and you just haven't been able to stick with that value. And he was cool. He understood he got it. I mean, in it, so how do we do this at work? It's just an intentionality every day that we're cultivating a kind culture and that we don't, because I'm the owner of the company, I get to say, if you're not kind, you don't get the privilege of working here.

Roula: There's something that my husband said to me and it, it stuck with me is that sometimes I wonder why this person is not being kind. I don't take it personal, but I want to understand [00:40:00]why is it so hard? And he said something, I think it's right. I don't know what you think about it. He told me that that's human being.

Roula: Not everyone has it in them, have it in them to be kind or want to be kind. Luckily, the majority do want to be kind. Otherwise, the world would be really horrible place. But some people, they just don't care about it. Is this too much of a statement to say that they don't care about it? 

Matt: I, I think everyone wants to be happy.

Matt: And I think some of us just haven't yet learned how. So, I don't think it's so much that they don't care about being kind, as they're so wounded, and they're so traumatized, and they're so hurt, and That they've put up walls around their heart to protect. If we knew their [00:41:00] story, if anyone that's being unkind, if you truly knew their story, you would weep for them because there's so much hurt that they feel like they have to put up this wall and then they put up the wall and then they throw out bombshells over the wall to attack you first so that you can't get close enough to them to hurt them.

Matt: And it's. If you could just get to the little wounded child behind the wall and behind all the mean attacks, you would see a child that was just wishing to be hugged and that what that person really needs is a lot of love and understanding and time. And then, yes, they do have the capacity to be kind, but there's a lot of healing that has to happen to get there, some of them.

Matt: So I, I'm gonna agree with your husband. Some of them, it's so much work. They would have to do so much work that they're not willing to do that work. And they would just decide [00:42:00] it's easier to just stay mean than to heal myself. And they'll probably work on it next lifetime. 

Roula: Yeah, probably. As you say, that's so true.

Roula: It might be so much work, hard work that they'd rather just keep the easy way, the thing they know they're comfortable with. And continue. So if we take it into practical advice, okay, at work, at the work floor, and we can apply this also in our personal lives. Two situation. The first situation is an unkind manager.

Roula: And the second situation, an unkind colleague. 

Matt: Yeah. 

Roula: So when this occur, but most of the time people stay silent, don't say anything, think and like aggravate or go and gossip about the situation rather than facing the person. But all comes from a place of fear. How do we approach that without being gaslighted, without being [00:43:00] rejected or not taken seriously?

Roula: So let's start with an unkind manager. 

Matt: That's the number one reason people leave their job. 

Roula: So is it rather leaving than talking about it? 

Matt: No, I, just the same way that we did with this individual today, I would give the manager an opportunity to understand what's going on and give them an opportunity to change.

Matt: I, I believe all of us can change. It doesn't mean that we'll all choose it. But yeah, we are afraid we're afraid that again, this is human survival i'm afraid if I say something to this manager, I could lose my job and then how would I pay my bills and I have Children to feed and I have a wife that's replying, you know, you know She needs me to take care of her and I needed to take care of myself.

Matt: So i'll just deal with it I'll just be unhappy and deal with this punishment from this manager Don't ever do that if you're listening to this show You You have always been okay If you're [00:44:00]here today God has provided you everything you needed to survive if he did it You wouldn't have survived but you have so in every single situation where you were afraid that you wouldn't have enough You've always had enough to survive So it will be the exact same way in this case.

Matt: You have to understand that your happiness is Is really all that matters this idea that I have to suck it up and make money And be unhappy and miserable to do it Money is so unimportant compared to time and happiness If we do something that we hate For money, the money is the booby prize. It doesn't even matter.

Matt: Our time and happiness is the only currency that even matters in life. So you have to understand that and get to that point so that where you can say, okay, my happiness means more to me than the security of this job. And I can always find a new job. And then I would go talk to the manager. And I kind of, what we talked about with anger at the very beginning, We can't go in [00:45:00] thinking this person's wrong, and this person's harming me, and this person, it's all his fault.

Matt: We have to go in with a completely open mind to say, there's probably both a misunderstanding. An argument always takes two sides. And, yeah, maybe he's harming me with the way that he's talking. So maybe that part's true, but it's probably not all his fault. Maybe it's because I haven't communicated the way I want to be treated is why he's treating me in this way.

Matt: And if I just communicated it, things could be different. So we're going to go in with a lot of humility and just have an open heart to heart conversation. I would say to a manager that was treating me in a way that I didn't enjoy. I had a job actually like this when I got out of college, it was, um, Three o'clock on christmas eve And we were laughing and joking around and we weren't working.

Matt: Of course. It was the job was to sell copy machines No one's no one's answering the phone to buy a copy machine three o'clock on christmas [00:46:00] eve. They're all with their family But we're laughing and joking around because they were forced to be there and our manager comes out and he says What are you doing?

Matt: You should be working Oh, that's an oppressive environment Right And what did I do? I left. I didn't talk to that manager, but I was a lot younger. And this, now I might come, now I might, you know, sit down with them and say, Hey, you know, I really like working here. If I did like working there. And, uh, you know, I really, I really respect the way that you have taught me how to sell copy machines.

Matt: And I enjoy that my big people I work with, I enjoy your company. You know, there's just a couple things that are, that, that I wanted to talk with you about to see if we could strengthen our relationship. You know, on Christmas Eve, I don't know what was going on, but that really hurt. You know, it's Christmas Eve and there wasn't really anyone to answer the phones and we were, we were having a good time and I want to work in a place where we can have fun and be successful at the [00:47:00] same time.

Matt: You know, I've been, I've been exceeding my numbers. I'm hitting my numbers. Are you happy with my performance? Well, how, how, how can we come to an agreement that if we're doing great, we can also enjoy ourselves too. And that's how I would approach that. This is like with my manager, Jordan Dara. Jordan, if you're listening to this, yeah, that really upset me that day on Christmas Eve.

Matt: And now what, now, now you have to be okay with the consequences. Sure, sure, Jordan could gaslight. I could all of a sudden be the least favorite employee there. I, he might take the advantageous accounts away from me in that case, I'm ready to leave. So if you're going to have this conversation, you have to be okay leaving if it doesn't get better.

Roula: Hmm. Yeah. I like it when, when it circles back to the essential of what, where we started, it's all about going with the right intentions. [00:48:00] Our level of stress, lower and reflecting before entering a conversation. Absolutely. The you're when you were talking about your conversation with the manager, hypothetically, I was so immersed in the story like I felt I'm sitting at the desk over there.

Roula: You described it very well. 

Matt: Well, you and I, with as much fun as you and I are having, if we were working together, we would be joking all the time. It would be a riot to work together when we should be having fun at work. I believe that happy people are more productive people. And of course, you know, I've got a lot of proof running this real estate company.

Matt: The happier we've gotten, the more successful we've gotten. 

Roula: There are places I know I, I worked at a place. The day I entered, I signed my contract and everything. And I went to start there was the first day. I also started looking for another job [00:49:00]and it took me two years. I knew from the moment I sat at my desk, it was a wrong decision.

Roula: Started looking for a new job. After two, two years, I found a place. And from the first day I was there. I knew I'm going to be happy here. And I was truly happy for a few years. 

Matt: You can feel the energy. Like a company is a culture of a company is a living breathing thing and you can feel the energy of a culture and you can feel if it feels right in your heart or if it doesn't and you know this now because as soon as you walked in you knew that this was going to be a culture you'd be happy and of course cultures can shift they can start out really great and then something can happen and they can shift but yeah you really want to find that culture that feels right in your heart.

Matt: And it's worth it. I would take less money to work in a happy place. I would. That's just, but that's me. I value my happiness more than I value money. The other one that you talked about is a little [00:50:00] trickier, the colleague. So while I would not work with a manager long term that, that disrespected or didn't treat me well, I would work with colleagues that I didn't get along with.

Matt: Not everyone will grow. So, so with the manager, I'm basically saying, I need you to grow and I need the two of us to, to, to enjoy each other or else I can't continue to work for you. With a colleague, all we can do is we can offer them the chance to grow, but just know they don't have to take it. You know, relationships are limited to the amount of growth each party is willing to put in.

Matt: So some people just aren't willing to do the work to grow. And I don't need to leave the, my company over a colleague that isn't super nice. I can just limit how much I interact with that person. So I've had this with colleagues. I've had this with [00:51:00] people in my own firm, you know, they'll get hired and, and I'll just notice that, Hey, when I interact with this person, I don't feel super good.

Matt: They're not unkind. You know, so there's they're not doing anything that would warrant them not to work here, you know I'm not going to ask them to leave just for whatever reason their energy and my energy. It doesn't line up well what I end up doing is just Limiting how much I spend time with them.

Matt: There's so many other people There's so many other people in a company that you can lean into and have great relationships with and be fulfilled. You don't have to be fulfilled with every single person within a company, even if it's your own company. So now if they've got a vendetta against you and they're trying to come at you, probably you're co creating that.

Matt: You know, so people don't people don't usually come at you and try to make your life miserable unless you're doing something to try to harm Them too that if you leave them like it's reciprocity if you leave them alone, they pretty much leave [00:52:00] you alone That's it. You know, that's just how it is It it'd be very rare to have a bully that's just singling you out and trying to pick on you In adult life for no reason unprovoked.

Matt: It would be a a rare situation, but if that was a situation You know, kind of the same thing with the manager. If I was being bullied by somebody, I would, I would leave that company as well. 

Roula: It's so, I find it terrifying a grownup bullying a colleague because no one will believe it. It 

Matt: does. I'm sure it happens.

Matt: Yeah, 

Roula: it does. Unfortunately. So best advice, be kind. No matter what, you know, at work, and I'm not giving you an advice on kindness. I'm like taking over your your role. I like it. I think being kind at the end of the day, we're going home to our family and leave in the office. So bringing kindness and taking kindness with us, it's fine, because what matters is at [00:53:00] home, let's choose our battles.

Roula: We all have enough fighting to do. Um, there's something you talk about, and it's maintaining positivity in difficult times. So we went through COVID. And now there is for us in Europe, the war is close by. There is war in the Middle East. There are difficult times. I mean, there are also wars everywhere and difficult times everywhere.

Roula: So how people can maintain positivity to give you a little bit of more specific. Thanks. Scenario on this matter, when something negative happens, for example, we hear about so many shootings in the US. I cannot imagine people waking up the next day at school shooting that happened. So people waking up the next day, it's like a collective bad mood.

Roula: How can we maintain positivity in a collective bad mood situation? 

Matt: Yeah, we can't ignore it. [00:54:00] You know, we can't put on a fake happy face and pretend like we're positive when our heart is really troubled by something going on. Like, of course, if, if we, if we feel really sad about what people are going through, we have to honor that feeling.

Matt: So the path to good moods is by fully letting the bad moods process. And sadness is a mood that, that you can process But you don't have to stay there forever. It doesn't have to be a lifetime mood. For me, I don't pay attention to the news media. Now, some people are like, Oh my gosh, how do you not know what's going on?

Matt: What if there's a school shooting? Right? They'll say this. And I say, if there's a school shooting, I hear about it. Everyone's talking about it. And if it affects me and I feel really sad about it, I'm going to pray. I'm going to pray for those families. So the action that we can take when we feel sad about something that we can't directly, and [00:55:00] sometimes we can directly do something.

Matt: So I'm, I'm on the board of Make A Wish South Carolina. I really have a heart for kids that are struggling. I can do something. I'm a wish granter. I go meet their parents and I meet them And you know while they're in their darkest times and I talk about granting their wish and I raise money to have money to brighten These kids lives like I can do something to alleviate their suffering in some small way and it actually helps a lot But I can't do something for every charity I can't do something for everybody that's going through a hard time But if something's on my heart and I can't go to the middle east and actually help those people because there's other priorities for me Going on right now Then I pray And I know that there is a reason for everything And sometimes that reason isn't revealed for until after this lifetime But I also know that like god is a good god and In the in a long enough timeline [00:56:00] And it could be thousands of years.

Matt: Everything will make sense. It always has. I mean, you can, this is what I love about history. We can go back and look at history and we can see that we've learned and we've grown. I think humanity is continuing to evolve into a higher and a higher and a higher consciousness every, every century. Other people say, oh, you know, things are going in the wrong way.

Matt: They're going in the wrong direction. I'm like, do you know where we were in the early 1900s? People were being, were being put into gas chambers. Like it was horrific. Do you know where we were in, in the year 1000? Like people would like stab you on the street. Like even in the 1800s, people would, would like get upset with each other and duel with guns and just kill each other in the middle of the street.

Matt: Like this was just, so where we're at in 2024. Is so much more of an understanding compassionate place than we've ever been. And where do you think we're going to be in 2034? [00:57:00] Where do you think we're going to be in 3034? Right? Like it's just going to continue to get better and better and better. And I think just like in our lives, sometimes we go through a hard time to teach us not to do that again.

Matt: I think our culture globally, sometimes we have to go through some hard times to learn that that's not what to do. And I know that those are hard lessons and of course real innocent children and people are being affected and so I just pray I pray for their families and that that helps me feel better in those moments.

Roula: Your answer is very satisfying for a few reasons. First, because it's true, the more we know about what's happening in the world, The more we would feel anxious and worried and stressed. So the less we look at the news and hear news, especially when it's not really detailed with the right information, it's not good for us.

Roula: I also feel really satisfying in your answer is that the [00:58:00] world now is not as as it was. And it's true. We live in the most safe times and human existence. 

Matt: My grandfather came to the United States on the boat from Ireland in the early 1900s. And my family and I just went to Ireland to visit and we went to the Irish History Museum called the Epic Museum.

Matt: And it was shocking. It was every hundred years there was a brutal war. And it was just famines and plagues and mass like children dying and malnourishment and they And it didn't get good until the 1940s The history of ireland was just misery until the 1940s, so I would assume and I don't know all of world history, but I would assume that it's like that in many [00:59:00] countries Things are probably safer, as you've just said, now than they ever have been.

Roula: We forget that because we don't look back in history. And there's so much to learn from it. What are the tips, like quick tips, that we can use every day? I mean, the thank you, gratitude, I definitely will start doing it. Um, listening to the heart of someone to calm down. What are the, um, Tips that you can add to these so that the listener will feel motivated to chase Good mood rather than be stuck in a good mood.

Matt: Yeah Choose to be in 

Roula: a good mood 

Matt: Yeah, my favorite one. I do this every day Our brain loves to think of things that didn't go well And it beats us up. So you don't have to think about when you [01:00:00] said the wrong thing. You don't have to think about when you were embarrassed and put your foot in your mouth.

Matt: You don't have to think about when you messed up. Your brain is always bringing it to your attention. And that's the survival thing. It's like, hey, wherever you're messing up, it could hurt you. So I have to show it to you so you get better at it. But your brain doesn't focus on all the good things you did.

Matt: It just tells you on where you're not good enough. It figures if you're doing something well, then good, you got that. We don't need to, that one's covered. It's going well, but what about this? You messed up over here. Like you have to get better. So every morning to counteract this negativity that will never go away, I write down three things I did well the day before.

Matt: It's really simple. It takes me less than a minute or two, but I'll sit there with a pen and paper and, and I'll think of three things that I did well. So here, here I am [01:01:00] on this episode with you and I've, I've had a day already. So let's just think of three things that have gone well for me today. I got to drive my kids to school on the golf cart and I gave all of them a hug, even though they were trying to run away before I could.

Matt: But that was a win for me. So that was a, that was one of the things that went well. And then I finished a project that was really big for my property management company. We were, we're redesigning the website and I completed it today and I, and I turned it in. So they said, we'll have a new website within two weeks, but it wasn't going to happen until I did that thing.

Matt: And then I got to get on with you and have a wonderful talk about how to feel good. There we go three things And so if every day, I mean, how long did that take less than a minute? But every day if you can just write down three things you did well over time You will become [01:02:00] such a person that feels confident in who you are and that you're doing good in the world and you know, so I just want to talk about why this is so important because we won't do something if we don't understand the meaning behind it Anytime, like I used to think when I was younger when I had bad moods pretty consistently that the harder I was on myself, the better I would do and thought, okay, if I'm super hard on myself, then that'll, that'll motivate me to be better.

Matt: So I'll be, I'll be my worst critic. I'll be the one. No one can be a harsher critic than I am. I, you know, and I wore it like a badge of honor. Like that was good. But when we feel bad, we do bad. So as we're beating ourselves up, thinking that it's helping us do better, we're actually like trying to run with a parachute tied behind our back.

Matt: It's slowing us down, but it works the opposite way. It's not a whip. It doesn't help us go faster. It actually slows us down. You would [01:03:00] find if you're hard on yourself, and if you're like I was, if you're listening to this and you're like I was, and you think that being hard on yourself is helping you be good, I'm going to give you a little.

Matt: thought experiment. I want you to imagine a day when you were feeling really bad. Maybe you said something terrible and you made your significant other cry. And on that day when you feel awful, how good are you at work? You're like me, you're terrible. Like I can't, if I made Katie cry, like I can't, I can't focus on work at all.

Matt: I'm too upset that that I've messed up. Well, now think of a day when you feel really amazing, like you're really proud of yourself and you feel on top of the world on the days. And I'll ask you this on a day when you feel amazing. What can you accomplish on that day? 

Roula: I feel like my day was just I accomplished at work.

Roula: I cooked a nice meal. I played games with my son, picked up my girl, but I always [01:04:00]tell her I'm not going to pick you up. Yeah, it makes a difference. 

Matt: So we want, if we understand now that when we are kind to ourself and we are proud of ourself, we feel good, we actually have more energy to do good. And when we beat ourselves up and we tell ourselves we're not doing enough, it doesn't help us do better.

Matt: It makes us feel worse and we actually do worse. So if you want to have more success in life, write down three things that you do well each day. And I've watched this. So I was really successful beating myself up. I'm 10 times as successful once I started to affirm all that was already good. So I thought beating myself up was pushing me to greatness, but it was holding me back from who I could really be.

Roula: What an insight, isn't it? 

Matt: Oh, it's great. Yeah, it's great. So I still do it. I've been doing this for 10 years, every day, every day, I just write down three things I did well the day before. You'd think that I would like not [01:05:00] have to do it anymore. But it's such it's such a powerful tip. That I never ever stop.

Matt: I don't think I ever will. 

Roula: Good commitment to yourself. 

Matt: I just want to feel good. It only takes a minute. 

Roula: True. We forget, yeah, we ruminate on the things that didn't go well. And we waste so much time in this ruminating just in our head and so much time is wasted. Not only this, so much unhappiness in the relationships we have when we're in our head thinking of the bad stuff that or do not satisfying things we did during our day.

Roula: And you had the episode about how time we never get back time. So whenever we don't, we're not kind to ourselves and to others, this time is gone. 

Matt: It's gone. It was used poorly. 

Roula: Yeah. Yes. So what else, what can you tell me more [01:06:00] about the good 

Matt: tips? We've talked about so many good ones. There's two other, this is science based.

Matt: Motion comes from emotion. The more we move our body, the more energy we get and the better we feel. So I do exercise every day, but I do things I enjoy. So it's not a chore for me. Also, the more we do something, the more we like to do something. It's the magic happy pill. I had a guy on my podcast named Alex Corb.

Matt: He's a neuroscientist. And he said, exercise is the best form of antidepressant medicine that exists. And he said, you will never find someone Training for a marathon. Who's depressed? That was a bold claim. It was a bold claim, but I fully believe him because I know the power of exercise. So when we get our heart rate going and we're moving our body in such a way and we [01:07:00] actually elevate and we get a sweat, it releases endorphins and all kinds of chemicals.

Matt: All these antidepressant drugs are is chemicals that are already within our brain. You have the access to all those chemicals and it's just from exercise. So I do exercise every day. The other thing in Amsterdam, I know you're big into this because I saw bikes everywhere. Get outside. All the science points to being outside in nature and in sunshine is one of the best medicines to feel your best.

Matt: So I track it. I want to know how many days did I get outside and actually spend time in the sun? 

Roula: We have a lot of bikes, but we have little sun. 

Matt: No, I know! You don't! 

Roula: So mostly cycling in the rain. 

Matt: But that's still good. Yeah. That's still good. It's mother nature. It's the rain from [01:08:00]nature. I mean, water is really healing too.

Matt: Yeah, the sunshine, the rain, anything, nature. Nature is really, really healing for us, uh, and it helps our mood more than anything. So my wife and I will take a walk as many nights as we can. We love to go, and this is, so that, this does a couple of things. It works on the connection with my wife, and then we get outside, and we move our body.

Matt: So if you go for a walk with a loved one, you're hitting multiple good mood things all at once. 

Roula: Sounds good. I do have one more thing to ask you about, uh, in these tips. Laughter. Can you tell me more about how we can incorporate laughter for a better mood? 

Matt: Yeah, so many people don't laugh. Especially men.

Matt: Okay. This is a masculine thing, right? Men will not smile. Look at pictures. I think it's interesting. You look at these pictures and, and men will be in the [01:09:00] picture trying to look all tough. Smile. We need to show our teeth. Yeah, it is. So science also proves that if you fake a smile or if you choose to laugh, even when you don't feel like it, you things happen within your brain that make you feel like you're happy.

Matt: So just the act of smiling actually signals to your brain that you feel good. And how do you do this intentionally? I just said an intention. I do. I have an intention every. So again, going back to my journal, I write down four goals every day. So I write down three things I did well. I write down three things I'm grateful for, and then I write four goals.

Matt: And the goals are the same. But my number one life goal is I laugh and have fun today. Crazy, right? Like, oh, but today's the only day. Today's the only day. Yeah. Sure. We hope there's tomorrow but today is the only day every single day is [01:10:00] today It's the only day we get to live it. We only get to ever live today So in today I want to laugh and have fun.

Matt: It's my life. My life exists only in today So that's my daily intention is to laugh and have fun If you start to set that as your daily intention, I promise life will be more fun 

Roula: And I promise i'm gonna start doing this Do it! 

Matt: Oh, high 

Roula: five! Definitely. I don't do this. I feel them and I think about them, but I don't write them down.

Roula: And yeah, I'm gonna write it 

Matt: down. There's something, so there's something really, there's something really, really powerful about this. Your brain has 60, 000 thoughts a day. That's the science. There's 60, 000 thoughts. But on average, we only speak 6, 000 words a day. 

Roula: Man or woman? 

Matt: I don't know. Maybe this is woman.

Matt: 6, [01:11:00] 000 sounds like a lot. And my son 

Roula: who's nine, I think he speaks millions of words a day. 

Matt: All right. And then how many, how many words do we write it? Do we actually write down a day? Only around 500. So 60, 000 thoughts. So your thoughts have less value to 6, 000 spoken words. So everything you speak, your subconscious pays far more attention to just something you think.

Matt: So this is why speaking out loud. What you want is really important. But to only 500 written words a day. So only 1 percent of your thoughts get written. So your subconscious pays crazy amounts of attention to what you write because it's very rare and very special. This is why I write down, instead of just thinking about it, I write down my goals and I write down my intention to have fun today so that my [01:12:00] subconscious sees it's important to me and pays more attention.

Roula: It's funny that also what helps with writing down is like there is more space in our head. It's like it's out and now something new is coming up probably for the next day. Do you have anything else to share with us about How we can get better at this. 

Matt: You are a master of it. I can tell your energy as soon as, as soon as we got on today.

Matt: I was like, Oh, we're going to have fun. You have got the warmest smile. You've got such a wonderful podcast. You are doing so many things to be in a good mood every day. It was an honor. To be here with you. 

Roula: Thank you so much. I really enjoyed this episode. It's a topic that I mean, how can we not enjoy it?

Roula: We laughed, right? So we checklist. We laughed, we had fun. Check the list. I'm living in a[01:13:00] good mood. Check the list. Thank you so much for being here for this valuable, and I think the listeners will just we touched on raising children few tips on work personal development and who is not in one of these phases.

Roula: I'm very satisfied. 

Matt: Me too. Thank you. I really appreciate it. Thank you. 

Roula: After listening to Matt, we have plenty of tips on how to maintain positive mood and actionable steps to bring more positivity into our lives. From shifting mindsets to gratitude, exercise, and connecting with loved ones. There's so much to apply.

Roula: I also find it remarkable to prompt ourselves with these three questions when we get angry. Did someone do something wrong? Was someone negatively impacted? Was somebody hurt? I'm curious to know what tip or tips each of you will pick and integrate [01:14:00] into your routine. Is it a morning thank you? Are you going to jot down three accomplishments?

Roula: Or simply smile more often? I believe that small changes can lead to big transformations. In the show notes you will find a link to Matt's website to find out more about his book and a link to his podcast. I invite you to share your experiences and any changes you make on my social media or email, which also are in the show notes.

Roula: Now, in the next episode, we'll be joined by Artemisia Divine. It might be for your ears only, or for you and your romantic partner to enhance your sex life together. I believe when we are in a good place in our relationship, there is plenty of room to play and enjoy our sexuality. See you next time. Thank you for listening to today's episode.

Roula: If you enjoyed it, please share it with your friends and [01:15:00] family. And ask them to subscribe. Leaving a rating and review on platforms like Apple Podcast can also help boost the podcast. Ranking your support through word of mouth is greatly appreciated. If you feel I'm encouraging you to tell your story, contact me or ruler at the life affairs podcast.com.

Roula: You will see my email in the show notes. I'll see you next time.